A dad’s stark realization after attending a kids’ birthday party is going viral on the internet.
Jonathan (@dobetterjonathan), who did not share his full name, said going to a birthday party is all it takes to “see the difference between a mom and a dad” in a reel on Instagram. The 31-year-old said that several moms attended the event alone with their children, while he was the only father there without his wife, 30-year-old Julie.
Holding his 9-month-old in one arm and keeping an eye on his 3-year-old, Jonathan recalled how other women at the party repeatedly offered him help or praised him for being “such a good dad.” But what stood out most to him was what didn’t happen: none of the same adults offered help to the mothers who were juggling their children on their own.
At the time, Jonathan didn’t think much of it. “I’m used to getting comments from others when I’m solo parenting,” he told Newsweek. It was later when he was talking to Julie about the party that he noticed he got far more attention and support than the moms did.
“I realized then too that the moms were just as involved, if not more involved, as I was in the whole process, such as getting the kids ready, which is so often overlooked,” he added.
Jonathan said that conversation made him see how much of parenting’s emotional and logistical load often falls to mothers, even in families where both parents work.
Julie, for instance, couldn’t attend because she was working, but she had done all the preparation: planning, shopping for a gift, doing their daughter’s hair, and RSVPing. “We split the duties, but these other moms … they did all the prep and then they also went,” Jonathan said in his reel.
That contrast made him understand why so many mothers feel overlooked and burned out.
Jonathan said that he didn’t have an active father figure growing up, which made him want to be hands-on with his own kids.
“I talk to my friends or see other guys, and they are clueless when it comes to their kids, which opened my eyes,” he said. “Once I started paying attention to that, I saw it everywhere that women are the ones who do the shopping, know when and what they can eat, figure out the sleep schedules, basically every aspect of the care. But then dad will watch a kid for one night and say he’s an equal parent.”
Jonathan, who began posting parenting videos while on paternity leave with his second child, said the experience has changed how he views gender roles entirely. “So, using that day as a reference, I think it shows that moms continue to be the default parent and do the majority of house production [and] child care, yet these moms were all from my kid’s day care, so they were all working moms as well,” he said. “Moms now are expected to work and still do it all, and it’s not practical.”
Jonathan’s reel has gone viral, amassing over 1.1 million views on Instagram. Hundreds of moms praised him for acknowledging what it is like to be the default parent.
“Yes! Aaaand … When we go out, whether to parties or whatever, I’m expected to care and run after the kids, while dad is socializing, eating, and drinking,” one user wrote.
“I find the requirements for praise are often also the same at work. Guys do half as much as the women and want twice as much recognition,” another mom said.
A third commented, “And that’s why a lot of women are waking up and are opting out of marriage and possibly motherhood and also opting out of relationships and staying single because a lot of women do not want to deal with that reality.”
Jonathan’s takeaway is simple but pointed: “If you’re the mom that gets your kid ready, does all the prep, takes your kid to the birthday party, all without the dad, I think you’re a great mom. I think you’re an involved mom, and I think our community should also be praising you.”