The internet has criticized a woman who scolded her best friend of 10 years for missing her birthday celebration due to a chemotherapy appointment.
Redditor u/superspreader90, a 24-year-old woman, had planned to attend her best friend’s 25th birthday dinner and drinks. However, when her chemotherapy treatment was rescheduled to the same day as her friend’s celebration, she had to cancel.
“I was supposed to have my chemo session next Monday, but they had to reschedule it for Saturday. This is how she reacted when I told her I wouldn’t be able to come to her birthday,” the original poster (OP) shared in the subreddit “Am I Overreacting? [AIO],” where it garnered 33,000 upvotes.
The post included a text exchange between OP and her friend. The friend initially checked in to confirm OP’s attendance at the birthday dinner, who explained she would not be able to attend due to the treatment but, assured her friend she would still make the birthday cake.
The friend then questioned whether the OP could still make the reservation at 8 p.m., who responded that she would be too exhausted and would likely spend the day in bed.
Chemotherapy is a treatment option for systemic lupus erythematosus, a chronic autoimmune disease where the immune system mistakenly attacks healthy tissues. In lupus, chemotherapy drugs suppress the overactive immune system, helping to reduce inflammation, limit organ damage, and improve quality of life.
Chemo sessions can cause tiredness, nausea and heart palpitations, among other side-effects.
The friend responded: “In bed? Alright [thumbs-up emoji] Well isn’t that a little selfish? I’m not trying to trivialize your situation but it’s like a 10-minute procedure and I’m sure the time between 10 a.m. and 8 p.m. will be enough to recover. Plus, going out and eating food should be sure to get your energy back up anyways. I feel like you’re just using something you know you can hold over me to get out of doing something that is important to me. I only turn 25 once.”
The OP clarified that the appointment would take at least three hours. The friend dismissed this, stating OP was bringing down the vibe by discussing her chemotherapy recovery.
She replied that she would hardly contribute to a good atmosphere if she were vomiting in the bathroom all night. She then offered to have a mutual friend pick up the birthday cake.
“AIO or is this a crazy way to react?? She’s still getting her cake and I was gonna get our mutual friend to give her the gifts I bought her, but now I’m not sure,” OP asked.
vladans/iStock / Getty Images Plu
Expert Insight
Navi Hughes, a child psychiatry nurse practitioner, therapist, and coach for women, weighed in on the situation with Newsweek.
According to Hughes, this situation highlights a deeper issue beyond a missed dinner. True friendship is built on respect, empathy, and reciprocity—qualities missing in this exchange.
She said: “A true friend values your health and reacts with empathy and not disappointment.
“Your relationship lacks trust, empathy, connection, and emotional maturity. When people show up to just show you, this is out of obligation. The real connection is missing, which is what humans crave. The absence of her attention is felt.
“This is a deeper issue than the cake and gifts. You may value her, and she doesn’t value you.”
Reddit Reacts
Reddit users overwhelmingly supported OP, condemning her friend’s reaction.
“You better cancel that goddamn cake and cut this fake-a** friend out of your life. NOR [Not Overreacting],” one user wrote.
“And share these texts with your other friends please,” suggested another.
“I’ve LITERALLY cut people off when they trivialized my health issues. This so-called friend is clearly an a******. Despite telling her how chemo makes you feel, she still was rude. Hell nah. Stay home and stay safe. I hope your treatment goes well,” another Redditor shared.
“You’re not overreacting AT ALL. This is not a real friend. I’m so sorry,” added another user.
The consensus, by a long way? The OP deserves friends who respect and support her health, not ones who guilt-trip her for prioritizing it.
Newsweek reached out to u/superspreader90for comment via Reddit. We could not verify the details of the case.
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