A 22-year-old woman says her parents are refusing to give her access to approximately $40,000 she has earned since 2021.
The woman and original poster (OP), user DreamSweetMyLove, sought advice on Reddit, explaining that most of her money is in a bank account owned by her father.
“I cannot see it, I cannot touch it, and I have zero way of getting money from it without borderline begging and telling them exactly what I’ll use it for,” she wrote.
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She continued, “I do have some mental disabilities, but not severe enough to impair my main decision-making abilities.
“I have never given them Power of Attorney. I am not in a conservatorship arrangement. There were no signed contracts. I do live at home with them.
“Is it illegal for them to not allow me access to my own earned income?”
Reddit Reacts
More than 300 Redditors flocked to the comments to weigh in, with many offering support and advice.
One wrote, “If you are on the account, you should be able to go to the bank and see your account. They will help you access their app so you can see what’s happening with it.
“You can’t take your father off the account. You both have to agree to that. But you can take the money out and open up an account in your name only.”
When the OP clarified that she wasn’t on the account at all, another user replied, “That’s a problem. As far as the bank is concerned, you have zero right to that money.
“Your only recourse would be to sue and bring pay stubs showing the direct deposit into that account.”
“The only reason for these types of restrictions is that your money is gone,” one Redditor noted. “Your parents used that money long ago. That’s my guess.”
The OP is now gathering pay stubs and W-2s and is planning to speak with a financial or family lawyer.
“I sincerely appreciate everything that everyone has said, and I’ll be doing more learning about the bank system,” she wrote in her update.
‘Missing pieces’
Speaking to Newsweek via email, Chinwe’ Foster, Esq., owner and managing attorney of Foster Law Firm, explained, “I don’t see that anything criminal has taken place as she would have had to provide her banking information to any employer when she became an adult and it appears that she did.
“However, she may have civil claims against her father (or the bank if her name is on the account and they won’t give her access to it) if he is withholding money from her that she earned as an adult, absent of no other legal right given to him to withhold her money (i.e. conservatorship).”
“However, there are a lot of missing pieces to this story,” she cautioned.
Financial Abuse
According to Hopeful Panda, controlling access to someone else’s income is a common sign of financial abuse.
This may involve “demanding control over your income, savings, or accounts” or “restricting your access to financial information or your own earnings”.
The same article notes that using money to manipulate behavior or to punish non-compliance, such as requiring a child to explain and justify every expense, is often rooted in control rather than concern.
Toxic Parental Behavior
In a Newsweek interview, psychologist Wendy O’Neill said toxic behavior often comes from parents who are “manipulative and controlling, don’t take responsibility for their actions… or their emotions dictate the home environment”.
Becca Bland, CEO of Stand Alone, a U.K. charity for estranged families, noted that parents who exhibit these patterns often “haven’t done the work” to establish balanced, respectful relationships with their adult children.
She added, “Being repetitively told you don’t have a voice and you don’t matter can very easily spin you out into a mental health crisis.”
Newsweek has contacted DreamSweetMyLove for comment via Reddit.
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